Once you start

Home alone for the weekend. Not only home alone... but home alone with a case of beer. What more could I need? I didn't even know I was going to have the house to myself all weekend until late last night on my way out. No one was even going to tell me... They were probably scared I was going to hid the booze so they couldn't take it with them; they were right.

My right foot is completely sleep and im going to try and walk on it... (stands up and tries to walk)... Nope, doesn't work.So I went to a blog earlier today of which I own blogstock in. Yes I know that im a loser, and that blogshares is for nerds and 50 year old men... but that's beside the point. Anyways I scroll down the page and there, as the title of a post is my name, Nate James. And it was actually about me, weird I know, I have no idea who this person even is... Read it here if you like.

I watched "The Hills have Eyes" last night. Why is it that all radioactive mutants are ill-tempered blood thirsty freaks who like to play with the body parts of non-radioactive mutants or "norms" as they call them?

To burn or not to burn

Last night's argument with my mother was about the "Flag Burning Amendment"; it was a much heated debate in my kitchen. I was arguing against such an amendment. Its not that I think flag burning is cool or that it's right; not at all. But people should be free to burn the flag in a nonviolent protest. That's what "being an American" is supposed to be about, our freedom to speak out against our government if we so choose it. I think people should have the freedom to burn any thing they want so long as its on private property, no laws are being broken, and its part of a peaceful nonviolent protest. No one should have to go to jail or get arrested for burning a flag.

My point of view pissed off my mom and she eventually just said: "Fine, I don't wanna talk to you about this anymore!" This is the usual outcome of our many frequent arguments.
New subject: I went to see Superman Returns last night. You'll be happy to know that it wasn't too bad and that I wasn't pissed off when I left the theater. I was surprised to see that there weren't many people at all in the theater, especially it being opening night and all...

ugh... Another friend from high school just told me (via msn) that she's engaged and getting married; oh, and she's PREGNANT!! What is this world coming to when we cant burn flags if you want to and 19 year old girls are getting married and having kids!?!?!?!?!

We all fall down

I slept all afternoon yesterday. Not on purpose, I only wanted to get a couple hours; the next thing I know im waking up and I have 10 minutes before I have to get back to work. Oh well, I needed the sleep I guess...

So the other day I got an email from another blogshares addict who was pissed that I bought up some shares that he wanted to buy. Being me, I did it again yesterday and he sent another email:

Nate,

Thanks again for taking more shares today. How would you feel if I voted all your best stocks and HTO them?

Talk Soon

I think it was supposed to be a threat, but I really have no idea what the fuck any of that shit means. And besides, blogshares is a FUCKING GAME!! This guy seems to take this shit very seriously. Games need some competition to make them fun and interesting so that's how I justify taking shares out from under people's noses.

Tonight is my one night off of work. Lately iv only been getting one night per week off so I kind of want to go out and do something. Something as in 'going to see the new Superman movie' something! Ever since I was a little kid I loved the Superman movies and cartoons, so im looking forward to this new movie. I am, on the other hand, a bit conflicted; I HATE it when good movies are ruined by having a shitty sequel. This movie better kick ass or I will be totally pissed off and maybe even cry a little... Ok, so maybe I wont cry if its bad(maybe), but I will be really pissed off

Right now im watching 'Back to the Future Part II' and im thinking, "Is this really what people thought the year 2015 would be like back in 1985?"

Too tired to keep writing

I just got out of the shower after a morning or work that seemed to last forever. I didn't get any sleep last night; not even a short little rest. Late last night I got a call to come out to a small party on the other end of town. "Oh, and bring any illegal substances you have with you!" So I loaded up a backpack with beer and was off. I didn't return back home until 4:45 this morning where I quickly ate the gas station hamburger I needed to have and loaded up on some caffeine. Then it was out the door where I nearly fell asleep while driving to work. Once I got there everything seemed to take for fucking ever...
My contacts have been in my eyes for much longer than they should be; since very early yesterday morning). They have that gross thick feeling to them and I really should be taking them out. Iv heard that a person can get sores on their eyes if they keep their contacts in for too long. Im not sure if I believe it; but im not about to test it.

Because I am a total loser I upgraded my blogshares account to become a "premium member"... I feel like such a nerd; but I really don't care. And now I have a long afternoon of sleeping to look forward to...

I dream of a dream of a dream

Once again I was late for work today. I must have shut my alarm clock off this morning and fell back asleep. My boss called me at 5:50 (I was by this time 45 minutes late):

Boss: "Hey, you going to come in this morning?"

Nate: "Oh shit... What time is it?" (looks at clock and sighs) "Shit... I'll be there right away"

I threw on come clothes, grabbed a soda and some caffeine pills, then it was out the door. This has been happening all to often lately. I know that I could never be fired, but I think my boss is starting to find my sleeping in to be less humorous. But what does he expect? Iv been up and working every morning for the last 3 weeks. And I mean EVERY MORNING, not just Monday threw Friday... But every fucking day! I haven't have a full day off in over a month...
This is me being totally annoyed by everyone. Some times I just get like that. There are those days where everyone is just being a total fucker-head to me so I just block them out of my mind and let myself drift off into a different world.

The other afternoon while catching up on my sleep I had a very realistic sex dream. Whether or not I knew her or she was just someone I dreamed up, I cant remember but she was familiar somehow. It was one of those dreams where I question whether or not it really happened. I smelt my fingers and they didn't smell of sex so I figured it was a dream... I let myself fall back asleep but no more sex dream for me...

1.21 Gigawatts!!!

Its strange how I can be very nice to some one for a long time then one, ONE act of me being an asshole makes that person hate me. What about all those times where I was really nice? Do they all mean nothing? Why does one act of ill-will cancel out all those other times. This happens a lot. I never mean to be an asshole, it's usually just a joke that someone took the wrong way or it'll be one of those days where everything is just shitty and I just find it hard to be nice to anyone, including myself. I never truly mean to be an asshole to someone (unless of course the deserve it). But people who I consider my friends shit on me all the time (figuratively) and I don't get pissed and yell at them. No, I remember that these people are usually very nice and I don't let one act of unkindness get to me. (*Quick note* This hasn't happened recently, so if you think im talk about you, the reader, you're probably not right. Unless of course any of you are pissed at me for such things, then I guess its fitting. But I had no one person in mind while writing this)

New subject: Have you ever wondered what happened to all the Nazis who didn't die in WWII? Well I found out what happened. They moved to Wisconsin and started up golf courses!! Those fucking Nazis kicked me out of the golf course Friday afternoon after only being out there for 5 minutes. And did I get my $42 back that I paid for me, Gift and my dad to golf there? FUCK NO!!! Why did we get kicked off... 'cause we only had two sets of clubs and there were three of us. We didn't fucking know that shit. Some Nazi club member called the pro-shop telling them this shit. We didn't even get half way thought the first fucking hole! The Nazi bastards could have at least given me my fucking money back... But I guess if they would have done that they wouldn't be Nazis now would they?

Oh... and Back to the Future kicks ass.

Zipper blues

Every now and then I put in my Smashing Pumpkins DVD and remember just how much they kick ass... Not that I ever forget or anything. Im watching it at this very moment; it's just a friendly reminder.

I haven't been my antisocial-sit-in-my-room-self lately. Iv actually been going out nights and seeing certain people; people whose company I rather enjoy (any company is better than no company). People who are somewhat new to me, not the asshole friends of mine who never call when something is going on or who say that they are "busy"... fuck them.

Ill likely be pulling another all-nighter Saturday night. Normally I wouldn't be going to this certain party because iv decided that I didn't wanna see some of these people ever again. But a friend of mine who I really do want to see and who I haven't seen in nearly a year will be there. So im most likely going and most likely going to get fucked up and end up driving to work with a killer headache like last time. Should be interesting...

I get to go golfing today. For some reason the tee time is 3:44... Why the fuck couldn't they just make it 3:45? If I don't get there at the exact time do I miss out or something? Fucking golf people...

Now what is he bitching about?

I hate picking strawberries!! Why? Because:

1. it hurts my fucking back
2. it hurts my fucking knees
3. it is a waste of my fucking time
4. I get bit up by fucking bugs
5. the outdoors fucking scares me
6. I was/am fucking tired
7. it takes way to fucking long to do
8. I don't even eat a lot of them... fuck!!!
   

So why do I do such a thing? Because I "live rent free".

I find it funny yet pathetic how I often talk about letting go of my past and being totally done with certain things/people. But things away have a way of coming back. Take berry picking for example. Last year when I picked strawberries I said "THAT IT IM DONE WITH ALL THIS SHIT!!!" but here I am one year later saying the exact same fucking thing once again.

I need to remember to buy a post card to send to ShaZ... i keep forgetting.

My heart's the bitter buffalo

I drove home from work in my underwear this morning.

• Things at work got all fucked up and took way too long and my clothes got so dirty that I didn't wanna wear them on the drive home. So stripped down the my boxers. Once home I walked around outside my house in my underwear and waved as cars drove by me.
  

I was up late again last night.

• I was dead tired last night but when a friend of mine called at 10:30 to go on a walk I didn't refuse. I got in a fight with my friend about how I analyze people and about how I analyzed her. I could tell that I was right by the way she didn't say anything for 5 minutes after my harsh analyzation. She claims im a pessimist "You just can't stand that there are people like me who can be happy while you're bitter and depressed." She's wrong, im a realist; and the reality is that things in life can be shitty sometimes but not all the time.
  

I slept this afternoon and still I feel like passing out.

• Every morning when I wake up I say to myself, "That's it! When I get home im going to shower and then its right back to bed with me." But it never happens that way. Im usually very awake when I get home, probably due to my caffeine pills. Usually around 11 am my lack of sleep hits me and I pass out for a couple hours.
  

I went to the bank; taxes kicked my ass.

• Another big pay check for me. It would be much bigger had 20% of my check not been taken away by taxes. I work 100% of the time, I should get 100% of the money that iv worked for.
  

Im on a rant roll

Another late night led to a total bitch of a morning. Again with the caffeine pills, again with the caffeinated drinks, again with the eyes stinging with the lack of sleep.
I cant stand/don't understand it when Americans think that America is the only "free" country in the whole fucking world! Usually these people are the people who listen to country music; cause that shit brainwashes people into thinking such things. I don't like it when I hear adults (or anyone for that matter) saying things like "You should be lucky to live in a country as free as America!" or "You couldn't do that aany where else in the world!"... Hello you stupid fuck what about ohh I don't know... Canada or Mexico or ALL OF WESTERN EUROPE!! These countries aren't oppressed and have freedoms just like the US (granted some have little/minor differences). But come-the-fuck-on; yes we do have freedoms, but we're, by far, not the only country to have them. Its as if these people think every other country in the world is Iraq or North Korea or Russia (not Russia now, but back durring the Cold War), where there is in fact a long and current history of oppression. These people need to get their heads out of their fucking asses, open their fucking eyes, and see that there are in fact other places of great convenience in this world other than America.

And now I have to go buy some used golf clubs so Gift and I can go golfing sometime before she goes back to Thailand. Aside from mini-golfing and a driving range or two iv never seriously golfed before. In fact iv never seriously done any sports (if you can even consider golfing a sport) before. Iv always found them to be quite pointless and served no real function in my life.

Im finally on 25peeps.com after having signed up months ago. *momentary happiness*

Pictures can speak in volumes

This picture says so much.

It seems like everyone I grew up with either is having/had a kid(s) and/or is getting/got married. They are all in way to much of a hurry to grow up. People shouldn't be having kids at our age. Why get married when you're just turning 20? They haven't experienced nearly enough in their lives to start settling down. 20 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!! Now I have nothing against serious or long-term relationships, but marriage and kids!! I have a feeling these children are in for one hell of a wake up call when they realize shit isn't like how it is on fucking TV. People can fall in and out of love, and at such a young age to think that you've found the person you will be spending the next 60 years of your life with is just funny to me. You're 20, you're immature, it's "young love"... Why the fuck are these kids so fucking eager to grow up. At least wait until maybe your later 20's and especially wait until after college. Look at me, im a 19 year old child, and even if I were in love with someone the thought of getting married at this point in my life would make me wanna shit myself. I cant wait for my 5 year high school reunion to see how many divorces there will have been, and I guarantee you, there will many.

Title that has nothing to do with the post

11:47 last night, outside of the home of Nate James...

Dave and Katie: "Hey Nate! You alone?"

Nate: "Yea..."

Dave and Katie: "Why?"

Nate: "What the fuck do you mean... WHY? Why is anyone ever alone?"

Dave and Katie: "I dunno..." (Dave did the talking... Katie was just there)

It's Father's Day. Happy Father's Day all you fathers out there with a few exceptions... If you:

• Hit your kids
• Hit your wife
• Are an sloppy alcoholic
• Psychologically abuse your wife or kids
• Ran out of your family
• Make meth in your basement then get addicted and start using meth way to much and ignoring the needs of your children who found your meth lab and now they too are addicted and its warping their fragile little minds
• Are an EXTREME workaholic who bails on their family to work all the time
• Are a dead-beat who doesn't work at all because you are:

1. an alcoholic
2. a meth dealer

• Or if you are just a plain old piece of shit

... If you are a father who falls into any of these categories then this day is not for you. GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT STRAIGHT and try again next year.

But of course, for all of you father who DON'T fit any of those descriptions I say again; Happy Father's Day.

Changes are no good

So iv got time off for my vacation this summer. For the time being, the plan is for me to go and visit Kira for a few days in Winnipeg. Whether or not those plans follow through are yet to be determined. I still have about two months before I can have off so there is still time to plan. This will be the first time I go away for vacation all on my own and im really looking forward to it; even though I have no sure idea what I'll be doing yet...

I slept too much this afternoon. It was another one of those times where I just kept resetting my cell phone alarm. I got to the point where the alarm didn't even wake me up. That happens a lot when I having music playing while im sleeping.
I bought a cactus today. For some reason iv always wanted to get one; and now I did. I rule.

Eyes bright enough to burn me

Im posting quite early today because I know that as soon as I lay down I'll pass out. I only got about 2 hours of sleep before having to head off to work this morning. I actually got out of the house and hung out with real people last night. I went out and had a few beers with some friends. So anyways, this morning I popped a caffeine pill, slammed a Mt. Dew, gave myself a wake-up-slap to the face, and I was all ready for work. But that was a few hours ago and I can feel the energy draining from me now. I can feel the melatonin welling up in my body causing my eyes sting and my eyelids to droop as they try to force me asleep.

Only one person mentioned to me that I spelt "relief" wrong the other day in my "Orgasmic Releif" post. Just so everyone knows, when ever I 'mis-spell' something I do it on purpose to see who is paying attention (Shaz was the one who caught it). It's like the title of my blog; I spell 'forty' with a 'u' on purpose...

Orgasmic releif

"I'd buy that..."

It's all nice on ice

My stress cow was ass raped with a pen last night... the poor dear. The cops have no leads. Who ever perpetrated this horrible crime must have been quite the criminal mastermind indeed.

I have to learn that when my boss tells me I have the weekend off it really means "Don't make any real plans because a whole weekend off is too good to be true and you're going to have to come in anyways."

This has happened more times than I can count. But I'll be able to have a whole week off in August for where ever I end up going on my vacation. But even this seems too good to be true. Im sure that something will come up and I'll be fucked out of my vacation or any real amount of time off...

I cream, you cream, we all cream for I scream

Post number 400! I know that no one but me really cares, so fuck off. Im still surprised that I haven't given up on blogging or gotten bored with it.
I got the bill from my latest dentist appointment the other day... $150!!! FOR WHAT? I was on the fucking dentist chair for no more than 30 minutes. The actual dentist was in the room for less than 5 of those minutes. She walked in did her "Oh hello Nathan, it's been a while..." looked at my x-ray poked her fingers in my fucking mouth and said "Well everything looks fine in there; keep up the good work!" and she was gone! ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FUCKING DOLLARS FOR THAT!! That comes out to be over $300 a fucking hour! Hell, I could have went to Madison and got a hooker that would have lasted twice as long as my trip to the dentist; at least THAT would have been gratifying!

I need a new hobby. Not to replace blogging, but to give myself a little more to do during the day... and masturbation doesn't count as a hobby.

I cut my nails the other day and I cut my thumb nail too short and I got it caught on something. The nail has ripped up for the skin a little. Its not that it really hurt to the point where I cant use my thumb or anything, its just a painful little annoyance that I cant get rid of...

Far, far away

I think I need to get away for a while this weekend. Iv got some time off of work; enough time that I could get out of town for the night. Im not sure what I want to do. Iv even thought about going down to Chicago for a while and staying in a hotel; but there is no one to go with and Chicago alone is no fun. Or maybe ill just stick around here and get completely fucked up.

OH, a friend of mine who I haven't seen since graduation from high school is going to be in town next week, so im looking forward to seeing her once and doing a little drinking.

Iv felt like a total lazy bastard lately. This afternoon I was going to try and just get one hour of sleep (to make up for not sleeping much last night). Every time I would wake up to my cell phone alarm I would just set it for another 30 minutes and fall back asleep. This happened for about 3 hours; I got nothing done today.
I burned some hair when I was playing with my lighter last night... ooppps

Don't deconstruct.

My weekend has consisted of tequila, beer, and boredom. But I did come across some interesting news.

Plattsmouth, Neb. - A gold ring found in the home where a rural Nebraska couple was murdered has led to charges against two Horicon, Wis., teens who admitted breaking into the house with at least one of two other suspects charged in the case.

Wayne and Sharmon Stock were found slain in their farmhouse two miles west of Murdock, Neb., on April 17. Both had been shot in the head at close range with a shotgun, investigators said.

The Cass County Attorney's office this week charged Jessica M. Reid, 17, and Gregory D. Fester II, 19, both of Wisconsin, with two counts of murder and two counts of use of a firearm in connection with the murders
Reid and Fester were already in custody in Dodge County, Wis., on car theft and other charges. (more of the story here)

Greg Fester is/was my neighbor and was a classmate of mine back in grade school. He was a dirty like goon back then, and now he's going to prison... good riddance. There is actually a pattern starting to develop. Before I moved here I lived out in the country and the neighbor boy down the road was also sent to prison for murder. Maybe living close to me just turns some people into cold-blooded killers...
My dad had to jump in front of my camera just at the right moment. The first time I got drunk was with these two guys. My dad, and my neighbor Gonzo. I was 14 at the time and when my mom found out I was trashed she blamed it on these two and always held a little grudge again Gonzo. But he's the shit! He poured me a shot of tequila Friday night, I slammed it down and chased it with my beer. He yelled at me! "You need to sip it!!" "FUCK THAT! Im not sipping that shit. A shot it meant to be slammed! When you go to the doctor for a shot they don't just give you a little here and there, you take it all at once!" That shut him up! Maybe sipping tequila is a Mexican thing... Gonzo kicks ass... Everyone should have a big Mexican neighbor who like to get drunk!

Our great sence of humor.

Iv taken notice to the "swear words" that iv been using. Both in general and toward someone; and like everything else in this world, they are all based around sex. Not the act itself, but dealing with or pretaining to sex. Think about it; lots of insults start with "You *sex word*"
Examples: "You cunt" , "You pussy", "You cocksucker", "You dick", "You cum dumpster", "You twat licker!", "You fuck-hole" or "You asshole". Yes you could argue that an asshole isn't technically a sexual organ or that it doesn't necessarily pertain to sex, but I would argue that it would be so "Fuck off twat face!" (see how that works!). Even words that come out in general conversations that are simply considered 'bad' can be of sexual orientation. Fuck for example; fuck = sex. Then there are things that are in relation to sex or sexual organs: "You dildo!", "Shut up douche bag!", or "Quit being such a fuck stick!" A person, like me, can even mix and match these words to make nice long insults, such as: "You twat-licking-cum-dumpster-mother-fucking-bitch-fist-asshole". The possibilities are endless!

Now of course there are "swear words" out there are aren't really sexual; but I don't even wanna talk about them cause they are not as cool. Sexual swear words just work so well. And I find it odd that even though people LOVE sex any words pertaining to it are considered offensive. If we all want and love sex why are these words so offensive?

Black by popular demand.

Iv slept for two hours now and im still dead, but here goes my next post...

My mouth was raped yesterday afternoon. Yes, that's right; RAPED. I had a dentist appointment! The hygienist must have been in a rush because she was going so fast through all her shit that she was killing my gums. slow down whore! You're fucking killing my mouth! I would have said it, but she had sharp tools in her hands and im to pretty to be all cut up.

Something interesting happened at the front desk though. The lady who I had to hand my chart too said, "Nathan? I didn't even recognize you! you look so old now!" No lie! I admit that it had been some time since I was last there (a few months), but I didn't think iv changed that much. I must admit, with my hair shorter and no longer a being flopping mop on my head I do look older. She made my day... or at least my afternoon.

Lately iv been unusually happy. Not too much has changed in my life, I just feel less down. I have taken some little steps to start to "better myself" such as avoiding things and people that cause me stress. It's tough at times, but I think it’s working out well for me. I suppose that if I really wanted to better myself I could stop drinking and smoking and try getting a little more physical activity in my day... But one thing at a time! im not Superman (yet)

My ex owes my $10. I made a bet with her that if she got back with her boyfriend (who cheated on her) that I gets me moneys. Now it’s not as if she had just been told that he was cheating... SHE SAW IT! It was at a party and she watched him cheat. Yet, last weekend I find out that they are back together... WHAT!?! It's not that I care; I just want my fucking ten dollars!

What the fuck is it with girls who take back guys who cheated on them? It seems to happen all the fucking time. Iv never cheated on a girlfriend and in my relationships when it was over, it was over. Iv never really gotten back with an ex; iv tried, but failed. But these assholes fuck some other chick and that’s a forgivable offense? Both parties are fucking idiots! The guy is a fucking idiot for cheating, and the girl is a fucking idiot for taking the guy back thinking that it wont happen again... I don’t get people!

Now its back to sleep...

Could I be anymore tired...?

...Why yes, yes I could be. For the moment im incredibly tired; I got in very late last night and got just under 3 hours of sleep before having to get up for work. I hate it when I go to be and it feels like as soon as I fall asleep im waking right back up... Even though iv been out for hours.

My body was punishing me for last night's late night. My legs had that numbing pain in them and my eyes were fighting my will to keep them open. Come to think of it, im not sure why im writing this now instead of sleeping. Yesterday blogger was down while I wanted to post so I had to go postless for a day, im surprised I survived (loser)

Oh, anyways, last night I hung out with that girl I went to school with again (the hot one). We went on a walk and smoked and when we started back toward her end of town I thought she was just going to tell me that she'd walk home from there. Instead she invited me in to watch a movie; some French independent film. A war/romance that was all in French, so for over two hours I was reading the English subtitles at the bottom of the screen. It wasn't until the movie was over that I realized it was already past 1am. She offered me a ride home, but I didn't want to be a bother:

"Thanks, but that's ok, it's a nice night, I'll walk... good night." At the time and in my state of mind I thought that it would take no more than 5 minutes to get home... It was more like 25.

There is so much more shit I want to put in this post but I don't want it to be too long, so ill write more later today... maybe.

Popsicle lover...

nate says:
im no thief!

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
bullshit!

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
all i knows is, i posted it LAST night, when you commented, and then this morning bam!

nate says:
i had that picture a week ago, but i was saving it for today

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
hmph

nate says:
are we fighting over a blog post?

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
oh god...

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
*smacks head* I AM SO LAME

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
AND YOU'RE EVEN LAMER!!!

nate says:
no argument here

nate says:
im posting this conversation

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
WHY!?

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
O_O

nate says:
cause its lame

nate says:
and i wanted to post something

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
omg we have lime popsicles! brb!

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
k fine whatever, just don't make me feel lame about my popsicles

nate says:
oh, its going in!

¤[ Shaz ]¤ Green Panda! says:
IF YOU MAKE POPSICLES SOUND LAME I WILL COME DOWN THERE AND RIP THE SKIN FROM YOUR EARS!!!

nate says:
i love popsicles

The calendar hung itself...

TAKE THAT YOU LITTLE EMO FUCK HOLES!!!

Yea, so today is 6-6-06 and im sure a bunch of faggy satan worshiping goth/emo kids are having the time of their lives. Which is why its National Emo Beatdown Day. So if you see an emo kid today flip him/her off and throw something at them so they can write some more shitty poetry about how their lives suck and how no one can understand them. They think they're "non-conformists" but really they are the exact opposite. They all dress and act the same... They are more conforming than the people they label as conformists. Ignorant little fucks...

Some have told me a time or two that IM emo. And maybe they are right, but for me it was more a state and not a trait (psychology talk). True; I don't smile in most of my pictures making it appear that im emo. But me not smiling isn't out of depression or being emo, its just that I don't like how I look when im smiling in pictures. I feel that I "smile with my eyes". Don't get me wrong, I am depressed sometimes, but it doesn't make me all emo. It just makes me drink, smoke, sleep, etc...

Anyways, I was two hours late to work this morning. I didn't wake up until after 7 this morning. It took me a while before I realized that I should have been at work. I ran up stairs where everyone was eating breakfast:

Nate: "Is it really 7?"
Lloyd: "Umm... yea. Don't you have to work?"
Nate: "Oh shit..."

It took me about 30 seconds to throw on my work clothes and I was out the door. When I got to work my boss just laughed at me - "I was wondering how late you would sleep in." He didn't really care too much that I was late. The night before he went to a casino and came home with $1000. So he was in a good mood...

Im almost out of vodka... ugh

My heart is an apple

I got very little sleep last night and iv been up for nearly 10 hours already. My eyes are burning telling me that I need to get some sleep before I go to work again. Stupid eyes, what do they know? At the band today there was this really old guy in a wheel chair named Adolph who was complaining to the teller about how he got a Canadian coin in with his change and how they wont accept them at the bank... Like he needed that extra 5 cents.I haven't shaved in a couple days and im not sure why, I don't particularly like it when im too scruffy. The look and the feel of it just doesn't suit me.

Iv become addicted to BlogShares.com and now im a millionaire...

during my day, when I have nothing to do and im not around my computer I think about topics and rants that I want to post on here. But when I sit down to write them I completely forget what it was I had to say. In the last week iv bought 3 packs of gum and I keep losing them! I have no idea where the fuck they keep running off to but I hope its some place where they are happy and with their own kind; candyland maybe...

... damn, I need some good ol' fuckin' sleep!

Doin' the Cockroach

Ah old photo of me... it was only 8 months ago, but I look like im 13. My hair is no where near as long now and I feel as if I look much older now.

I got an unexpected call from a girl I knew I high school last night. I hadn't talked to this girl in months and I don't think she has ever called me before. It was kind of strange; she called and asked if I wanted to hand out. This is a rare occurrence indeed; she's back for the summer and just as bored as me. This is one of those girls who, while in high school, I thought was totally hot (and I still do) and was/is way to good for me. Never-the-less she wanted to hang out me; weird huh? I cant totally remember what all went on cause we were a bit mess up, but it was a nice time and is sure to happen again... Who knows maybe something good could happen for me once. But being the pessimist I am... probably not.

I took a bunch of pictures yesterday with my mom's camera and she deleted all of them!

"They were pictures of nothing!"

"GRR!! I still needed them, I cant have too many pictures of myself or the gym lights or how hairy my leg is!!"

You walk away I'll walk away

I won the first of many battles over the war between rock and country last night. There was no argument when I changed the station at work.

Have you ever wanted something and not really know why? There are things in my life that I once had that I thought I wanted back. But do I? Sometimes things that were once good, once nice, may never be like that ever again once a certain point is reached. And to try and retrieve said things may actually be a poor idea. When you dwell on the past for too long it can be distracting from what's right in front of your face. Also, when emotions are involved you cant see things for how they really are.

This has happened to me, and it has taken the advice from a very dear friend to help me see what iv been doing. I need a change, I need some risk, I need some sleep, I need a strong drink.

If I only had a brain.

My night off was nothing thrilling, yet it was better than going to work of course. I went with Lloyd to get a new car stereo put in his car. While waiting for all that shit to get done with (which took way to fucking long!) I browsed thought the CD collection and Best Buy and found some old Bright Eyes and Modest Mouse CDs. Of course, without hesitation I picked them up.

I walked out of my house at 5 this morning to go to work only to find that one of my new front tires was flatter than some of the girls I went to high school with...

To my horror their was country music playing at work this morning. I knew it would happen; it always does after I have a night off. Yet I held on the a shred of hope that the rock station would still be playing strong. That shred was cut into thousands of little bit too small to tie my hopes back up.

Country music, ALL COUNTRY MUSIC, is depressing and complete shit. The songs are either about being dumped and crushed by someone they loved; which is depressing. OR they are about being in love and happiness and everything working out; which, to me at least, is equally if not MORE depressing (iv grown bitter about that shit). So tonight I plan on getting to work early and changing the station before my boss has a chance to get at the radio. I will NOT listen to that shit anymore...
...ROCK MOTHA' FUCKA'!!

Why did I start titling my posts?

Tonight is the first time in two weeks that I have any time off. I feel as if its too good to be true so im still waiting for my boss to call me in like last time. I have no plans for my night off, but it will just feel good to not have to work for once.

Last night I received an unexpected phone call from the lovely, the sexy, the talented, the three time featured on buzznet, the Canadian, the short, the SHAZ!! She must have realized that talking to me on msn just isn't enough; some times to get the full Nate James experience you need to call. Although, I felt I didn't bring my A-game to the conversation like before; my A-game being me after 7 or 8 drinks (now that's the good stuff!). At least this time I can remember what was discussed: Buzznet, swimming, nipples, callouses, how fucking hot it is outside, assholes (figurative not literal), and just how awesome we both are.

Triman also reassured me that when im 20 i'll be "banging tons of chicks" (or something like that). He better be right.

I need to go out and starting taking some more pictures with my spare time; and don't worry, they will kick ass.