Its been one of those days so far... My neurosis is catching up with me and I need the weekend to come.
I woke up late for work again today... That's twice this week now. Fortunately for me my boss woke up later than I did and I was actually the early one.
I pick up my books for this upcoming semester. They were a lot cheaper than I thought.
Classes start soon. Its a good thing. School has the ability to keep my mind occupied, for at least a little while.
Right now my thoughts are all over the place and my mind is overloading trying to process 1000 random things at a time. Add all that to a lack of sleep the end result is a mentally burned out shell that most people call 'nate'.
Iv been cigarette free for two weeks straight now. Frankly, im surprised. My last smoke was withKira at the bus station just before I left Canada.
I go back to class in a week and im not sure if my "im not going to smoke anymore" attitude will stick. Smoking is a great way to socialize at my college. When im sitting in the computer labs im reluctant to just start talking to people because I associate being at a computer with being busy.
I don't really like to be bothered when im online trying to read or watch shit... It many times pisses me off actually. So why would I do to someone else what pisses me off?
Going out and smoking is the one social think I know how to do. If you go out for a smoke you talk to people who are also going out to smoke, that's just how it goes. You don't go out in the courtyard to light up and get away from people. If someone comes up to you when your outside smoking you don't tell them to piss off; you socialize and get to know people.
Occasionally a "hacky sack" circle crops up (it IS college after all). Its then that I quickly back away. Im about as good at hacky sack as I am at speaking the bushman click click click language... which I cant do. And if you stand too close to these circles you are automatically in it and you WILL be passed the thing. My natural instincts are to grab it when my hand. I do that and get some wicked looks from the punk-rocker-hippies who started the circle... NEVER grab the hacky sack with your hand! They'll cut it off!
I ran into my ex the other day at the store. That was fun... for me.
I haven't talked to her in about 2 months and there she was shopping with her mother. I was there with my brother, Lloyd, and she started walking in our direction. She smiles and is about to say something as she walks by. So what do I do? I turn my head away from her general direction to start talking to Lloyd and just walked on by her.
YES THAT'S RIGHT!! I totally blew her off... Didn't even give her a second of my life to say hello. WHY?? Because she is a fucking idiot who recently moved in with her cheating-bigot-white-trash-nazi boyfriend. Plus she still owes me $10 from a bet I made with her about getting back together with the nazi. After this little event she came up to Lloyd while I was at the check-out and asked him, "What is his fucking problem?"
HAHAHAHAHA that's fucking great...
This was the girl who dumped me 2 days after Christmas; not the one who dumped me on the way home from me talking her out to dinner and concert... They both had great fucking timing.
Most people seem to enjoy the weekends... Not me. I like the week days. See, I work when others are at home. And when im at home others are at work. But on the weekend we're all home at the same time and I have to do a bunch of bullshit around the house that I hate doing; cleaning, etc.
Im posting a bit late in the day... Later than I usually do anyways.
its been a long fucking day.
Working in the morning went late... BUT I got a raise today... So that's fucking sweet.
went out for some Chinese and sushi for lunch... Ate too much
came home from lunch and passed out from being too full and too tired... Almost woke up late for work
work sucked more than usual and took longer than it should have
my brother, Jake, called... Me, him, our friend Justin and his fiance* Sarah are going to Six Flags next weekend... Awesome.
Justin, an old friend, just got back home from Iraq after George W Bush thought it would be fun for thousands of Americans to go vacationing there (with guns...). His fiance*, and my best friend, Sarah is very happy of course and she talked my ear off about him being back the other day... She's added to the list of people getting married very young, but is one of the only ones that I don't have a problem with. Iv known her and Justin before they even knew each other... They're good together.
I needs me some fucking sleep... I just put a ton of Nirvana and a KT Tunstall album in my iPod... Nice...
*A "fiance" is defined as "a man engaged to be married, or a man to whom a woman is engaged" so what is a woman engaged to be married called??
It's strange, lately iv enjoyed being single. Looking at all my friends who are in relationships that are full of drama and totally fucked up makes me feel glad that im alone.
This may sound selfish, but I only have to think about myself when im single. I don't have to worry about anyone else but me. I don't have to remember to call someone or worry that they'll be pissed if I forget to call. I can do what I want without someone trying to change my behaviors (as my past relationships seemed to be). For the time being... This is really nice.
I feel sorry for those out there who feel like they need to be in a relationship. Those who jump from one person to another. Those who are "romance junkies". Its pathetic really. People should feel comfortable alone before they should try and feel comfortable with someone else... If that makes any sense.
don't get me wrong... relationships are nice. But they are also a lot of fucking work sometimes... and I hate work. The last two relationships I was in (in retrospect) were shitty and "fake". I dated girls who were too full of themselves and put everything and everyone else above me... EVERYTHING! Now im not says that I should have been priority number one... not at all... I don't like too much attention; but to be completely ignored fucking sucks. My self confidence was eroded away and it pissed me the fuck off.
Being single for these past... 9 months or so... have been good for me. Im ok with being alone. I don't get all emo over relationships and cry and piss and moan when they end. Sure I get bummed out for a couple days or so, but that's almost to be expected.
Maybe I have some attachment issues, but I don't give a fuck...
...only downfall to no relationship/attachment issues is the lack of being sexed up...
To add to the list of "things I don't need yet I bought them anyways" last night I went out and bought a video iPod. It was actually very random of me. It's not often that I go spend over $300 on a whim.
The way I see it is this: Iv worked my ass off for the past 3.5 years without really buying anything that I 'wanted'... Most things I bought were 'needs' (except my vast collection of DVD's).
"I wanted a iPod and now I have one... (*holds fist up*) I rule!!" (mock of Lester Burnham from American Beauty)
Iv been neglecting blogs lately... Its a sad thing. I keep being too preoccupied with other little things to really sit down and read blogs. This will change soon im sure. Ill be doing a lot more blogging once school starts up in a couple weeks.
Speaking of which I just paid for my next semesters tuition... So there is another thing I 'wasted' money on... fuck...
This morning I was this close to telling my boss's wife to go fuck herself (*places thumb and index finger a centimeter apart*) She, out of no where, started bitching at me... and im not even sure what its about anymore but it pissed me the fuck off! She comes out a couple times a month and does something that a substance abusing cognitively disabled primate (retarded crack addicted monkey) could do and she has the gull (or "g-a-l-l") to yell at me... This photo may be blurry, but its how I was actually seeing things that "last night" in Canada. I put "last night" in quotes because it was supposed to be my last night... and wasn't. That last night we tried to stay up the whole night and walk to the bus station in the morning; this didn't happen. We got soo fucked up that we passed out and didn't wake up in time for make the bus schedule. My bus was supposed to leave at 7:45 and I remember waking up at 7:47. I woke Kira up and we practically ran to the station... My bus left about 5 minutes before we got there. So there I was, hung over and stuck in Canada for another day. I couldn't complain... I would have stayed even longer if I didn't have to work... Plus I had ran out of cash buying tequila shots for me and Kira's sister that night. An extra days vacation wasn't something I was about to be upset about... I hoped on the bus home the next day.
One of my bank account matured recently freeing up a substantial amount of money for me to blow on things I don't need.
I bought a web cam the other day so now people can experience me LIVE on msn!!! Its the coolest thing you can do... Believe me. Also, I'll be making short video clips and putting them up... What will they be of? I have no idea. Tell me what you want to see and I'll do it... maybe. Lately iv wanted to post a link to my blog on my myspace account. The reason I haven't yet was because I didn't want people I know personally coming here and knowing anything about me beyond their already narrow view of me. But I forgot something... I don't give a fuck what the people I know personally thing about me. I have very few close friends whose opinion I hold in high regard, but these friends aren't the kind to judge in the first place.
im not sure where im going with this. Its Sunday and my brain has shut off. Sunday posts are never very creative anyways...
Iv been true to my word so far and I haven't had a cigarette since my vacation has come to an end. I know it was only a couple days ago, but at least that's a start.
Sometimes I start writing a post and I get the whole thing done then suddenly I no longer like something about it and I delete it all. Im saying that because that's what I just did... twice.
its like I have some fucked up writers block where I can write for hours but never like what's there. This happens a lot actually.Lately there have been many people who have been telling me they enjoy my photos and how nice they are. Maybe its because I took them but I don't see anything special about them. Point. Click. Upload. Post. Its that simple.
Thanks to everyone who tells me how much they like them, whether its by commenting, by msn, or in person. Your words have been very kind and appreciated. It's people telling me they like them that keeps me taking them, no matter what I think. Im fucking starving... Time for some Chinese. mmmm
there is so much to says about this last week that it was take a full day to write up the post. To sum it up I would have to say "CANADA IS FUCKING AWESOME". Well not just Canada, getting to hang out with Kira for a week was a lot of fun, and im really going to miss her... I don't even know where to begin. Iv never had so much fun. Some of my events once I got there includes:
drunks on the bus
walking walking walking
There are other things that fall into a category I call "What happens in Canada stays in Canada."
Ill be sure to write more about my trip in detail later... But for now here are a few of the over 300 photos I took.