Monday, October 30, 2006

Just say

I was just out side and saw a very good reason why not to smoke. There was a obese man out in the school's courtyard with a cigarette in his hand and tubes from his oxygen tank going to his nose.

I wanted to be like "dude you're on oxygen because you smoke... fuckin' quit already!!" but I suppose once you get that far you just don't give a fuck anymore.

But of course I was thinking all of this while smoking and felt like a hypocrite. I only have 1 or 2 a day during the week. A pack lasts me 2 - 3 weeks so I think im safe.
I thought my CPR class was suppose to start at 10:40 today but it turns out that it started at 10... opps
There is a lot of time left before my next class now and I have nothing to do. I could go and read blogs for the next couple hours by the computer screens here give me a headache.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I like

I need to stop writing posts when im in a bad mood.

All I did this weekend was work and watch Lost. I just finished the first two seasons so my addiction is subsiding... for now.
My parents are a bit strapped for cash right now so the other night after work I went out and bought some groceries and other things that we needed. Im trying to do the whole
good son thing... Iv been a pain in the ass for all these years, its the least I could do.

I haven't found the time or the drive to go out and take photos lately... Mostly because it has been really fucking cold out.
In three months from today my classes at a new university will start... I'll be counting the days. The one thing im looking forward to the most is that I wont be working right away. Im thinking that as long as in living in the dorms and my food and living expenses are all covered I won't need to look for a job asap. It will give me some time to wind-down a bit.

Friday, October 27, 2006

The main point in bold

That's me roughly one year ago.

A lot had happened in one year.

Actually no, nothing really happened. But im not the same person and im not sure if I like who I have become.

I have been a fool about so many things. Iv put my trust in people who are not to be trusted. Iv let myself fall into a pit of self-loathing, crawled out, then fell back in again. Now im on the rim of the pit and im rocking back and forth wondering which way im going to fall.

Will I hit the ground and walk away or will I fall into the hole again?

I guess that's not even the question. The question I should be asking is whether or not I have any control over which way I fall.

Iv let my mind wander for too long and im afraid im going to get lost.

I hate it when I write serious posts. Im just having a shitty day because my car is fucked up and all the money I have that would be spent on fixing it is tied up in my moving away in January.

I need to move. There is no question about that. I cant stay around here any longer. Its staying here that has cause my depression in the first place. Its my house, my job, my everything. I need a totally new setup. What's depressing is that im comfortable where I am and I know I shouldn't be. I cant keep doing things just because they are convenient.

Maybe im just looking to become someone new all together.

The point of this post is for myself... I needed to see it. I needed to say it; if only to myself.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

You're on!

well you may not be, but I

I don't have much time to post much... I should actually be on the road right now so I'll make this a quickie

blah blah blah life is boring

blah blah blah social security sucks

blah blah blah I need to get laid

blah blah blah I need a drink.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Untitled 3.0

Iv been taking a break from the internet lately. im not sure why.
My last post I said I was going to LAX for the weekend to visit my brother. LAX is short for La Crosse, a city here in Wisconsin... Not Los Angeles. Sorry if I was misleading.

I had a great time even without the aid of alcohol...
Iv just become addicted to the show

There is a ton of shit on my mind lately and my nerves are getting fried to the bone. That may even be the cause of my recent online disappearance.

Friday, October 20, 2006


I took some time off this weekend and Im heading up to LAX to visit my older brother. I need some time off.

My boss still doesn't know that Im moving away in January yet. I'll eventually get around to telling him but I have some time yet.

I feel boring today...

Thursday, October 19, 2006


I don't have much rant about today but its HNT.

I could go on a rant about society and how fucked up the world is but I would just be regurgitating what I learned in my sociology class. I don't feel like it right now.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

If you tolerate this

I lost $5 playing poker last night. I don't really know how to play so I wasn't suprised, I was just happy that I won at least one hand and wasn't the first to go out.

At least I got out and socialized. Once I got over the dog piss stench of my buddy's apartment I actually had a good time. One of the players was a girl I met at a party back in July.

Girl: "You look familiar..."
Me: "We met at a party a while back. I was the one who was totally annoyed by you and told you to shut the fuck up."

It's not my fault she was being drunk and annoying. Had she been pretty I could have just considered her annoyance as cute... But that wasn't the case. And as it turns out she's just as annoying when sober.
This is the second attempt at this post. I started it earlier this morning but just as I was finishing it the power went out in the whole house and all was lost... I was a bit pissed off.
I couldn't have been to upset by anything this morning because of this little bit of information. Yes, I was accepted into a new college that I will start this spring. It will be quite the change for me. I fear change and that's why im determined to do it. No more living at home, a new atmosphere, people my age, a new job... And I cant fucking wait.
Just because a photo of me may look emo doesn't make me emo. Emo people hang out with other emos. Im a loner, I don't think a person can be both a loner and emo.

Monday, October 16, 2006

If you don't

I think im single partially due to some myspace bulletins that I didn't forward when they said I had to.
Yet another picture of me from my youth. That's me just over 4 years ago.

I was looking through some year books the other day and cam across something I found a bit funny. Apparently I claimed that a friend of mine was a lesbian and a joke came out of that accusation. When she signed my year book she wrote
P.S. IM STRAIGHT!!! in large lettering. Four years latter and BAM! she is, in-fact, a lesbian.... Who knew?

Also, the other night I dreamt that I had a threesome with her and her girlfriend. I have no idea where that dream came from but I wasn't about to complain.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

It's a trick question

As I lifted my head out of the toilet I started regretting having that last drink.

I hadn't been that drunk since returning from my vacation two months ago. But at least when I was on vacation I wasn't drinking alone.

I hate trying to fall asleep when im drunk. The room doesn't stop spinning and my stomach doesn't stop churning.

All I could think about was wanting to fall asleep but it wouldn't come until things around me stopped moving and my vision cleared.

It wasn't my intention to get so smashed all by myself. One drink just lead to another which lead to another and another and so on...
I recalled the first time I was drunk. I was 14 and it was about this time of the year. My mom was pissed when she woke up to find me vomiting up beer and vodka. I cant blame her, I was barely even in high school at the time.

The worst part about last night is that I had no one to give a drunken phone call to. Calling people when drunk is a nice way to spend an evening of drinking in solitude; especially if its long distance.

This morning was the first morning iv had off in nearly a month. I couldn't let last night go to waste.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

back in the day today

This is my third grade class along with some little notes on what/where they are today.

Friday, October 13, 2006


iv been busy.

with what?

who knows... But I had no time for blogging yesterday.
Iv been thinking about it and being cute kind of sucks.

Stick with me on this one.

What's cute? puppies are... kittens are... But no one wants to fuck a puppy or a kitten. Well im sure some people would but they are psychopathic freaks who should die. Anyways no person, in there right mind, would fuck these cute little things.

So when im told that im cute I kind step back for a second and think
why cute? I don't want to be cute. I want to be fuckable. not all things that are cute are fuckable... being this cute sucks...

Being called
cute can be a bad thing...

I think I'll make a t-shirt that says "
Im not cute, Im FUCKABLE!!"

I wont be able to wear one of course. Lets face it; Im cute...

(How do I come up with this bullshit?? stuck-up bastard...)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Undead mall

This is what happened to a local mall just over a year after a super walmart moved into town... It was a Tuesday evening and there was no one there. Of the possible 35 stores that the mall can hold only 4 remain.
I sent in my college application yesterday shortly after finishing posting my last post. Iv applied to go to UW - Oshkosh and get in to their school of Business program. Why not? I figured, I have nothing else to do.

The only two people from my graduating class who go there are two of my oldest and best friends, so at least I'll know people there.

I just want to get fucked up and not have to worry about getting up at 4:30 in the morning for work. Because iv done it and it's not as fun as it sounds.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Im out

Iv made my fucking decision. Im getting out of this place... and soon.

Im going to transfer to a new college this coming spring semester. I don't want to wait until next year; fuck that. I need to leave now.

I had my transcripts sent out yesterday to where I intend to go and im currently finishing up the actual application.

After talking with my current college's councilor it appears that I'll be able to transfer yet so long as I "get the ball rolling".

This means that in about three months I'll be moving out and living in the dorms of a much larger university. I cant fucking wait.
So iv just about had it at work. Things would be just fine if my boss's wife would let me do my job and not get in my fucking way all the time. But it appears that she feels she, someone who never works other than watching her kids, can do my job better than me, someone who has been doing this job for over three and a half years.

LET HER!! I say. This woman shows me no fucking respect and its the work that I do along with her husband that pays for all the shit she buys. But if she wants to get in my way she can do all the fucking work herself... I don't give a fuck anymore.

I'll stay for the remaining 3 months just so I can make some big money before I leave... But when the time comes im out of there.

In a way I suppose I do feel a little bad for my boss. He's a nice guy and has never gotten on my case or yelled at me. Come to think of it, he is a great boss; but I have to leave... soon. He doesn't know that im planning on leaving yet but when I tell him im going to let him know that his wife's bitchy disrespectful attitude toward me is part of my reason for leaving (I wont say it like that of course).

Monday, October 09, 2006


(Lloyd took to video)

Some bitch walmart greeter kicked me off the fucking horse because im not under 5 years old... But there was no fucking sign saying how old a rider must be.

I had a cold and I was just trying to cheer myself up.


Sunday, October 08, 2006


A little over a year ago when I started college I didn't have a major or plan and I wasn't really concerned about it. The way I saw it I had a least a year before I had to have that figured out. Well its that time now.

The last few days iv been looking into what college to transfer to and what im going to do there.

Iv come to the conclusion that I have no fucking idea what im doing.

Iv even been thinking about leaving a semester early and living in the dorms (where ever I choose to go). That way I can possible break away from this social anxiety disorder that iv started to develop.
I'll probably just end up going to LAX (UW-LaCrosse) for some business degree that I wont end up using...

This school shit is making my head hurt.

Im almost 20 years old and have no fucking clue about what I want to do

Should I?

Saturday, October 07, 2006

'Sup now

Friday, October 06, 2006

Fingers like razors

Im listening to a whole series of Onion Radio News podcasts and laughing my ass off.

There is a test in my global sociology class early next week and I have a ton of stuff I read.

My boss's wife actually got pissed at me and told me to "shut my mouth and keep shit to myself". HAHAHA. See, she was trying to tell some of the people who were helping out in the new building that she did a lot of work in the old building and she was just talking out of her ass.

Me: "(boss's wife's name), Iv been here nearly every day for the last three and a half years. YOU NEVER DID ANY OF THAT SHIT!!"

She was pissed and I just laughed. Then she tried telling me how to do my job. I would just walk away when ever she would try and tell me things... Like I didn't know how to do my own fucking job!
Now, this may sound sexist but her place is in the house taking care of the fucking children and making fucking dinner!!! Its not a sexist remark because that is in-fact her job. I don't go and tell her how to bake a fucking pie or care for her kids so she has no fucking right to tell me how to do my job.

I like it add "fucking" into sentences when I want to make what Im writing sound like Im pissed off.
These are my fingers as of work last night. It hurts more than it looks. how did this happen? your now asking yourself. Well I braced myself on a sheet of metal that I shouldn't have grabbed. A razor sharp edge sliced into all the finger tips of both hands except my left thumb. Its not pleasant. I didn't even notice it until I looked down at my hands and there was blood dripping from my finger tips...

I wont be playing the guitar for a couple days...

This is my 500th post. Oh joyous day...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday

It's that time of the week again. I know that some people base their whole week around Thursday just because they know they can see a half-nekkid Nate. Just try and control yourself... Im putting a couple up because I missed last week's post. I was to depressed last week to post photos of me naked... Damn.Im not totally sure why but for some reason when I take these photos I like to have my face covered. It's not a shy thing and its not like I don't post photos of myself all the time already. It's an art thing I guess. It add a sense of mystery to the photos sexuality (or the lack there of...).

My half nekkid photos are going to start looking a lot a like if I don't start showing some more skin... I cant let any of you get bored.
Im trying to write some songs and I was sitting in my car after class yesterday and this popped into my head... It's sexually themed of course and it's NOT emo...

there is a lot of school shit I should be reading. Iv been putting things like that off a lot lately and its starting to pile up.

I cheated of righty with lefty but she couldn't give a proper hand job to save her life... Being an ambidextrous masturbator is something everyone should strive for.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Untitled pi

Lloyd, my younger brother, is the boy in the black suit coat and I am the far better looking man in blue... Just in case you were confused.

He came along with me to talk photos yesterday afternoon. I took many more that don't include either of us in them but they will accompany some other post in the near future.

Lloyd: "Tara said she knows 15 girls who want to have sex with you." (an obvious exaggeration)
Nate: "How does she know so many girls with a self-esteem so low that they would actually wanna fuck me
Lloyd: "I dunno..."

The new Decemberists CD The Crane Wife totally kicks ass! Im listing to it right now... Just thought I would share that...

I need to shave. Im getting scruffy

I need to get nekkid and take some photos for tomorrow's "half-nekkid Thursday" post.