My caffeine in-take has been higher than normal this past week. Iv been talking caffeine pills with my cappiccino in the mornings. At least im not falling asleep in class anymore. My sleep has been off a lot though. I get about 4-5 hours a night... I used to sleep in the afternoons but I quit doing that because of school and well... caffeine.

Iv been connecting with Gift more lately. Tonight Clay, her and I were just sitting around the computer upstairs as Clay did some school work and im not sure how but we started talking about asexual animals and penises, Gift was cracking up. That girl is great, im going to miss her when she leaves. I also found out that Gift has a blog!!! She calls in a diary; but what's the difference? Unfortunately it's written in Thai...

My philosophy exam sucked ass... I hate essays. The professor grades on a curve so I could be ok. I also could have studied more... Hindsight is 20/20. What's done is done I guess; same for my psych exam. I was kinda stressed this morning until I realized that I was worrying about nothing, a test is just paper. If I do good then I do good, if I don't then shit... Nothing I can do after the fact, right.

I went to subway again before my second exam... fuck that was good!

I went though some more tunnel question talk with someone I don't know last night, im glad someone else actually understands what the 'tunnel' means...

last night I went out with Jake to pick up some cases of 'weekend beverages', now I just need someone to spend the weekend with. They even carded me when Jake was buying the stuff, they needed to know if I was 18... What the fuck does that matter if he's buying alcohol? I could understand if they needed to know if I was 21 or not, but why 18?

For the first time I realized that I was 19 and what that means... im grown up (almost), and that's weird to me... 19 might not seem old to some, but it does to me.

I have a philosophy exam and a psychology exam tomorrow and I have yet to prepare for either one... My buddy Tyler just took the philosophy one and said I didn't need to read the book to do it; good seeing is that I haven't read any of it.

I have to write a take-home test essay about a 'life crisis' and how I handled it and other shit like that... I haven't started it yet. I procrastinate like a mo'fo'. My sociology exam was this morning at 11 (iv been overloaded with exams this week). I didn't start studying until about 9 this morning and I think I kicked that test's ass!

Andrea, realizing how pathetic my life has become, offered to help me 'party it up' by inviting me to come up to LAX this weekend with Jake. Im not sure if im going to take her up on her offer yet... im hoping for other good things to happen this weekend. Only time will tell I guess...
...Jakes new thing is to tell me that im 'wasting my youth'.

Here is an untitled Tyger that Sleeps song performed by Jake... Enjoy and tell me what you think about it.

I spent the weekend sleeping on the couch... Last night wasn't a total waist. When Jake and Andrea got home from the show at Mother Fools we all drank. Jake more than the rest of us... The show didn't go as well as he would have hoped. They had sound problems and the turn out wasn't the best. I stay down stairs and talked to them for most of the night which is always a good time. When Jake and Andrea are together with a third party two things can happen

1. They gang up and make fun of the third party (me).
2. Andrea and the third party gang up and make fun of Jake.

We for the most part discussed problems that iv been having and how Jake thinks that im being an idiot. And at the start Andrea sided with him (refer to #1). But once I got Jake to shut the fuck up and explained things a little better Andrea began to take my side in things (refer to #2).

As it turns out im not going away tonight after all... plans got a little messed up for my buddy. Oh well. I could call up someone else to go and hang out, but the only people I could think to call live kinda far away and I don't wanna drive.
A little subway is sounding really good right about now.... mmm a cheese steak sub. Im fucking starving! I haven't eaten much in the last two days, I think it may have something to go with the caffeine pills iv been taking every so often. But at the moment I feel totally drained...

Tonight I may be going to Oshkosh to visit my buddy Ryan and have another fun night of partying at a real college. I haven't been up to visit since early November; that last time was a lot of fun...

Last night I hung out with Katrina for a while; we watched Clerks... well most of it; she had to leave before it ended. Regardless, I was really happy we got to hang out again; I hadn't seen her in weeks.

Before all of that I had a rough and yet amusing time at work. We had to do testing... milk testing (don't ask). But Trevor was outside so there was entertainment. Trevor is my boss's 4 year old son and he's like a brother to me; iv known him since before he could talk, and now he never shuts up. Anyways he brought some cookies out to us, and as a joke I told him I cant eat the cookies unless I have something to drink with them. He took me seriously and ran to the house and brought out some root beers... Dave, my boss, then joked that all we needed was some ice cream and we could have some floats. And what did Trevor do? He ran to the house and he and his mom brought out some cups of ice cream... I felt like I was at a county fair or something...

Im not this Nate James; just in-case someone was confused...

But we might be ralated, we have the same eyes and hair. Plus we can both sing...

yet another picture of me from my past. This one was the summer of 2002, just before my sophmore year...

Andrea is in town all weekend so that means ill be kicked out of my room again so her and Jake can be alone. I don't mind it too much; Andrea is cool in my book... but my book means less than nothing.

There was a box of things still in my car from when I moved over 6 months ago. I found some more year books and my senior magazine (and a bunch of caffeine pills). Tons of memories are coming back to me and I wanna write all of them... but I wont.

Iv been thinking about people from my past... People who were my best friends in high school before I started to sabotage myself. One in particular was my best friend and early high school crush, Rachel. Rachel and I were friends since middle school and hung out a lot once i could drive; she was even my prom date. Prom was the last time we actually hung out as just the two of us. I started dating someone and lost touch with her. I have a lot of memories about Rachel and all of them good. We never became more than friends, even though I wanted to. But in retrospect im glad we didn't, that would have fucked shit up.(I look like a total dork in this picture, I was really forcing that smile...)

The last time I talked to her was back in October at a high school football game. Im not even sure what her phone number is if I wanted to call her. She has a boy friend who I met at a party this summer, and she seemed happy, so im really glad for her...

anyways, that's enough reminiscing about the past... for now.

Early last summer I went to a party at my friend Melissa's place. It was 'gansta' themed. After a couple hours of drinking and smoking on the balcony I had to go to my car, I cant remember why. Anyways... I was parked on a side street so the cars wouldn't attract cops and on my way back to the party I was at the crosswalk and a cop pulled right up next to me. There I was in a bandana, a muscle shirt, and shorts that were half way down my ass. To top it off I had a cigar in my mouth... Now while I may have been 18 at the time, I looked 15. On the outside I was trying to act cool, but I was freaking out. All I needed was for the cops to call me over and smell the alcohol on my breath. The cop looked at me and to my luck just drove off. I got back to the party across the road and everyone else was freaking out because they saw the cop pull up next to me while they were out smoking...
...The rest of that night is kind of blurry; I do remember doing a keg stand though. That night I also invited a girl I was kinda seeing to the party and she got on some guy she just met that night. Oddly enough it didn't bother me; I found it funny.

That next morning I woke up with a hangover but had enough energy in me to make french toast for all the other drunks who stayed the night

I wrote that by my picture so when I look back at my high school days I will think that I was cool... but it will only work once I forget that I was the one who wrote it.

Im been looking though year books and photo albums while watching Dazed and Confused. I should be studying...

Drinking only is a problem if you try to quit and cant. Thus, if you never try and stop, you have no problem...

Movies that are rated PG-13 piss me off... Ill be watching a commercial for a new movie that looks like its going to be really cool, then I find out that its PG-13!! This means that there are no boobs and very little cursing... The two things that make a good movie!

my head is killing me...

Iv been thinking a lot about me tunnel question... Or at least what it really means to me. Im the only one who knows what its really about. One other person might get it... Im just lost at what I should do; maybe turning around is the best idea, or maybe the answer is to keep going even if i cant see the light. But its that's the case then im waisting my time... I don't see it this way. Unfortunately other do...

I keep thinking that if I hold out long enough something good is bound to happen. I can only hope im right...

OCD is sexy...

I think I could be a spokesman for the 'dollar tree'
"WOW! Your telling me that everything here is a dollar? That's AMAZING!!"
I went to the dollar tree last night after my trip to walmart. They have nice big mugs for tea and cappiccino (I already drink too much of both). I was annoying Jake the whole time by asking how much things were then answering myself... At least I found it funny.

Because im at school right now, I don't have any new or good pictures to post. I got my cell phone bill yesterday and I found out that iv been sending myself way to many pictures. Once I found that out I sent myself 5 more... I don't learn

This time of the day is the best to be in the computer lab. There is barely anyone here and it will be like that until about noon, then come the lunch rush. But me, im always here...

Sometimes the ugly duckling grows up to be an ugly duck...

more cappiccino...
less sleep...
more tea...
too sweet, less honey...
too hot, burnt tongue...
beer sound good right about now, or brandy...
not on a wednesday...

I have three tests in two days next week. Big tests... When we only have three tests in a semester they count for a lot. im behind on my reading, it doesn't bother me.

Tyger that Sleeps (Jake and Brad) are playing a show at Mother Fools (in Madison) again this saturday as the main show. I have to work that night; I see them play their set all the time anyways.

I went back to Walmart with Jake tonight because he had to buy a mailbox for the guy whose mail box Jake ran over last week... I noticed a big change in the type of person who were there. They were less... pathetic looking.

Today if you wanna watch something good on basic TV you really only have two choices. Reality TV or 'cop drama shows" ie. SCI, Criminal Minds, Law and Order, etc... I, personally, go with the cop drama.

I need some sleep. I even went to bed early last night; or I think I did... The morning just came too fast for me and I over slept.

On CSI last night a hooker was beaten and killed. I was thinking that I could be a hooker, but that show turned me off to it. So sorry ladies, you wont see me on the corner... (you'll have to call)

At walmart they were playing modest mouse "float on" over the PA... I was filled with mixed emotions. I couldn't tell if I was annoyed that walmart was playing good tunes in the store, or if I was enjoying it cause modest mouse rocks...

I went to the bookstore down today after sociology got out early. Really I had to go to Walmart to get some more cappiccino mix cause I need my caffein fix in the morning. I had three hours before my next class so I took my time and walked to the bookstore from the walmart parking lot. Not too impressive seeing is that its only about 200 meters away... Today is the first reasonable nice day in about a week. But warm weather just means that everything is wet and sloppy from the snow.

I got some good news the other day. Ill be getting just over $1,200 back from my taxes. This means that I can finally finish paying of my car and pay Clay the $400 that I own him. Ill even have enough left to go on a little vacation. I was hoping that I would be going away over spring break, but I think my plans will have to be put off until the end of May, so no Canadian roadtrip this March...

Going to Walmart kind of depresses me. Over have of the people I see there are old, over weight, and look like they wanna die. But that's Wisconsin for you I guess. I guess its kind of good to have people like that, they make me see how I don't wanna be. Its what's known as a 'function' in sociology. Something good that is unexpected... And its good that I see how I don't wanna be, right? Maybe that makes me a bad person...

Back to me getting money again... I think now I can actually get my camera! And its about fucking time to... I still need to pick the one I want...

We watched 45 minutes of Shindler's List in philosophy today then discussed the problem with evil and its relation to our talk about religion and the existence of god. Watching the movie depressed me...
Also, I got to watch half an hour of 24 in my psych250 class... I think its just because my teacher likes the show and didn't feel like lecturing for the whole time. But it did have a point; things to do with moral and choices... Fifth stage of development shit... blah blah blah

Today I actually didn't sit at the computer for the whole 2.5 hours between my classes. I just couldn't do it. I started working on a new layout, but the computers at school were being uncooperative. I kind of know what I want it to look like now... So stay tuned!!!In my comments the other day someone said that it seems like I really don't like 'Clay'. Let me tell you all a little something about Clay. He is my younger brother. Yes I do pick on him, that's what older brothers do... When it comes to me and Clay, everything is a competition; he is always trying to do things better than me so he can rub it in my face... And a few times... very few... he does things better than me. Im allowed to pick on Clay.

My internet is going so damn slow! Its getting very little internet juice...

Iv been going on my buzznet a lot more lately and my myspace less and less. Unfortunately not to many people i know have buzznet. Most of the people on my friends list are bloggers, and they always have the best pictures.

I got a 98% on my calculus exam... I know that Will Hunting would have gotten a 100%, but im Nate James so being only 2% lower than him is ok by me.

im in need of a new template... this one just isn't doing it for me anymore.

im not sure how to go about doing it though.

haha, tea bag...

Iv made the switch from the social lab to the anti-social one... Not because I feel like being anti-social, but because it was fucking roasting in the other room.

I keep coming across pictures from raymi's blog party and wish that I could have went. Unfortunately I live no where near Toronto, so ill have to be content with seeing pictures of everyone else's good time...

Im hoping that i get my calculus test back today so i can skip the rest of class while the professor goes over it. That is given that I did good on it. But come on... of course I did... im like Good Will Hunting!

this morning it was -6 degrees F (about -21 degrees C), so yes, that's really fucking cold! And like every morning I had to be at work at 5. Today, the defroster in my car wasn't working... I had no heat... Terrific! Turns out that my anti-lock breaking system (ABS) is on and it wont turn off. Its taking up all the energy that would normally be going to the AC...

So I damn near froze to death on the way to work, not to mention that I couldn't see where I was going.

Iv been in the computer lab for about 25 minutes now and im already intensely bored. To top it off I feel really out-of-place because im back in the 'social' computer room, and not my usual setting in the anti-social room where its mostly people working on papers...

I watch a bunch of classic boxing last night... Ali kicked total ass back in the day!

Because this weekend went without me getting trashed im thinking that ill just make up a story to tell people...

..."Yea, I totally partied it up this weekend. I got so drunk Saturday that I don't even remember how I got home. All I can remember is that I ran around in my boxers for a while and did like 5 keg-stands! It was wild!!!"

I doubt anyone will believe me... I know I wouldn't.

Now a short story about how blog-stupid I used to be...

...When I first started reading blogs, the one blog I most read was raymi's. At the end of her posts were these words with numbers by them and I had no idea what it ment. It took me months before I figured out that they were comments...

Admitting this makes me feel dumb.

My internet is running slow because Jake's computer is taking up all the 'internet juice' from his downloading tons of shit...

I went to my friend's/ex-girlfriend's/neighbor's graduation party. At first I didn't want to and saw no reason why I should... But I was quilted into going my both Jake and my mom. I didn't expect to stay long; but not long turned into about 3 hours. There were other people I went to school with there, people I don't have a problem with, so it wasn't too bad. She wouldn't give me any beer...
I was able to throw out some jokes about when we dated; which was well over a year ago. And jokes about the guy she dated after me, who she is recently broke up with. I found them funny, I don't think she did to much; but she was a good sport about it. Before we ever dated we were friends and now were kind of friends again. She goes to the same college as me and we have a class together. It great having a class when someone I know, otherwise id have no one to annoy...

I went to brunch with my family today. It was like a reunion...
... Normally things like that really annoy me. My family is so large that it gets way to crowded, but only a few of them showed up, so it wasn't bad. One of my cousins has like 6 kids and they were all there and bothering me... But they're fun. The one in the picture is my second cousin. They wouldn't leave me alone.

after brunch, Gift, Clay, and I went shopping so I could get a new coat that my parents were paying for, so I couldn't complain about that. I got a nice big coat with big pockets. I bought the coat that I could fit the most beer bottles in... I figured I could get a 12 pack in it!im like a much cooler version of Indiana Jones... like... Indiana Nate!! (I didn't buy the hat.)

Gift and Clay were fighting with each other in the store... Its like she's a part of the family now. We all can pick on each other without getting mad, and that's what families do... Its really funny when Gift does it cause she's normally so quiet. I was looking for some new boxers with Gift to see what was sexy, all she did was laugh at me...
Food, a new coat, and getting to see Gift pick on Clay.... Its been a good day so far.

Last night's hope of a party fell short. My buddy called me up at 10 and said they weren't doing it anymore. I was kinda pissed. I got all dressed up and I even shaved and had a hair cut (I was looking good!), and then nope... no where to go. I guess that tonight they are going to have the party, but we'll see about that... Just as long as I get out of here ill be happy. So because there was no party, Jake, brad, and I went to taco bell around 11ish.

Im watching lord of the rings. Jake says he's going to watch them all today... fuck that! They are good movies, but they do get old after a while. I have to go and get a lottery ticket soon so I can win millions of dollars and never have to do anything again.

Toby came down here in my room and is hiding from the vacuum under my computer chair... He kind of smells.

If my friend doesn't call me about a party tonight im just going to get people over here to drink with me.

Iv been thinking about my 'tunnel question' a lot. I have yet to find my answer. I think the tunnel is even getting darker...

Yesterday's snow day was totally shitty. I FUCKING HATE SNOW! Why cant it just be summer already so things can go back to being as normal as possible??? Its like all the cold and shitty weather we missed out on in January came yesterday all at once. Its fucking ridiculous.

To make matters worse, Jake was in a shitty mood, so that rubbed off on everyone else. Cause when Jake is in a bad mood; you know it (but im the same way I guess)! He was sent home from work after about two hours cause the weather was that bad. On the way home he smashed a mailbox and ended up stuck in the ditch. It cost about $100 to get towed out. To top it off, the weather was bad enough to fuck up his plans to go up to LAX and see Andrea. I think that's what pissed him off most of all...

Tonight I hope to be going out to a party. One similar to one I was supposed to go to two weeks ago, where my buddy is DJ'ing. He described it as a "small rave" so I guess it could be fun. There is a picture of him there with about 40 bottle of liquor in the back; that's always a good sign. Of course there is one other thing id rather be doing, but that wont happen.

I have a calculus test in a couple of hours. Have I studied for it? Nope...

a question...

How long should a person continue though a dark tunnel when there is no sign of light at the other end? Should you just turn around and leave or keep going and hope that you get a glimpse of light sooner-or-later?

Right now its snowing like crazy out side so im skipping class for the day. Probably not a good idea on my part because I only have these classes twice a week. But then again, I do a lot of things are aren't considered a "good idea".
I just checked the campus home page, it turns out that some teachers even cancelled their class, unfortunately, none of mind did... I can always copy someone else's notes. Right now I should be in my philosophy class talking about religion and things like that... oh well.

Do not fall asleep while sitting in a papasan.

I really wanna get one of the new toothpastefordinner shirts and today is the last day... So I might need to do that tonight when I get home from class.

I get shitty cell phone reception in the computer lab that im in. My buddy Dave, who is the IT guy here at school, says that its cause of the wireless networking in some of the rooms. This is making it difficult for me to send myself pointless pictures from my phone.

Iv noticed that most of my posts have been written here and not at home anymore. Between classes is my 'blog' time, my 'listen to CDs' time, and my 'random walking around looking like I have some where to be when I really don't' time.

So last night I watched "

The Aristocrats", it was fucking hilarious. Though I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who doesn't like blue humor... Cause that's really all it is.

I had to try and rush to get to class today; I slept in after work... What really sucked is that once I got on the road I ended up following a cop half way to school, so I couldn't speed. Worse is that the cop was following other cars. See, cops speed cause they can; when when they follow someone, that person tends to go the speed limit so they don't get picked up. This slowed me even more. Regardless, I made it to class just before the professor started the lecture...

trying to take pictures with my phone as I drive probably is the best idea iv ever had. I made it to school, and im not dead. But I think the argument of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" doesn't apply here, cause I don't feel any different.

two hours to waste until my next class...



I need to stop leaving my CD player in my car over night, I don't think the cold weather is doing it any good. It just too four tries to get my Bob Dylan CD to play.

to kill time I could be reading. But filling out stupid myspace surveys is just as good...

I just got out of my philosophy class. It always leaves me wondering new and weird shit.

today I have looks on my mind. What makes a person attractive?

looks are really just parts that are set up in an order... Some people have better parts in a better order. Some don't.

I guess this started last night when national geographic had a show on attraction and love. I knew most of what they were talking about already cause of my psychology class.

anyways I don't really feel like writing to much about this, ill just end up sounding really dumb.

"ya das es goot"

This morning I noticed that the internet at home went out again! im not even going to bother calling my service about it cause by the time they get out to my house the problem is gone and they don't know what was going on in the first place. I hope its back on by the time I get home today... But I hope for lots of things...

I went to work a little hung over this morning, so that's always fun. An old friend called me up last night and wanted to have a drink and just needed someone to talk to... And well, I never have anything else to do...

but by the time my friend came over, I had already been drinking. So we talked and caught up for a little while. I think Jake was pissed cause he was trying to sleep the whole time and we were talking... But oh well.

Last night I had to go to a birthday party for my grandpa who will be 79 tomorrow. I really didn't feel like going. It was in this smelly bar I used to go to when I was younger, and I really wasn't looking forward to being crowded around all my relatives. Plus I had a major head ache. My mom guilted me into going... Typical

there were some people that are from Germany there, and they didn't really speak any English. They're friends of my grandpa I guess... Anyways, while at the party my contact started to fall out so I went into the bathroom to fix it in the mirror. While I was in there messing with my eye, one of the old Germans came in and started going to the bathroom, the whole time he was looking at me and started talking to me in German. I could kinda guess what he was saying; it was something along the lines of "is your eye better now?". I just responded "ya das es goot"... He kinda creeped me out.

I remember what I did last night!
I went out and rented Waiting. I had hear that is was that great, but I thought id give it a try. It was actually pretty good.

but because my night was so boring I must have tried to block it out mentally. To little success...

For some reason i cant remember what i did last night at all...
I didn't have anything to drink. All I remember is waking up at 3:30 this morning still in my clothes and Jake was on the phone with Andrea. I must have fallen asleep early and just don't remember it.

my room is a fucking mess

Iv been thinking too much about what the advice Jake gave me earlier in the week. How it makes sense... Yet I cant help doing what i do. There was a name he used for it, but I cant remember it now... I think it started with an 'm'.

Today is my younger brother Clay's birthday. The big one six (16).
Happy birthday to him.

The final four episodes of Arrested Development were on last night.
"Fuck the Olympics! We're watching Arrested Development!!" -me
It was fucking hilarious. Yet sad cause that's the end of the show. Although there was some talk about ABC picking it up. And when FOX was presenting it they called the last four episodes a 'season finale' and not a 'series finale'. So that may mean something.

I started drinking early last night and got bored with it in about 2 hours so i felt hung over even before I went to bed.

I called people to come over and they all flaked out. My friend Melissa said she would come, then when I called her to ask if she had anything to smoke she told me she wasn't coming anymore. She does this shit all the fucking time...

I asked my friend abbey to come and have a drink with me too, but she was with her boyfriend. So she didnt come over. But Jake and brad were hanging out and drinking to, so it wasn't to bad.

Nate: "Hey, i just found $1.26 in change and two guitar pics in this old pair of shorts..."

Brad: "Dude, you could probably get a blowjob for that much! hookers in Madison are cheap."

I hope im hung over tomorrow morning...

...Its been a long fucking week and im glad its Friday.

my sociology class gets shorter and shorter every day. We'll be in there for about 30 minutes and the professor will ask if there are any questions then she leaves. If I do shitty on the test im totally going to just blame it all on her and not that fact that iv only read 6 pages of the book.

Jake has been trying to tell me how much of a shit-head im being lately. He makes some very valid points, and the fact that I just take his advice and say 'fuck that' makes me all the more shit-headed... He's not being mean about it at all. I know he's just trying to be a good brother, looking out for me, and making sure im not fucking myself over...

I was really looking forward to skipping out of calculus again today, but I forgot that I have to take a quiz today so that fucked me over. I would have just ended up going home and sitting around anyways, so no real loss.

yesterday I tired to be non-antisocial (so I guess that's just known as 'social'). I went and was going to read some work im behind on and there was this guy playing some game on his laptop in the common area. So I im sitting a table over from his and I ask what he's playing. I didn't sound like a douche or anything, like I said I was trying to be social. But this fuck hole looks at me, sneers, and just shakes his head... FUCK YOU TOO ASSHOLE!

I had a nice long chat with raymi today. Because im to lazy to post the conversation on here, you'll have to go to her blog if you really wanna read it. And you DO wanna read it.

On a related note: iv gotten more hits here then I think I ever have. But none of you lurkers commented!!

I had a massive headache on the way home and to top it off I got stuck behind a nice slow truck...

Here's how my driving works: I tend to go about 10 mph over the speed limit, and if I come up on someone who is going slower than me, I get frustrated cause I wanna go fast and not have to watch out for people ahead of me... BUT if you come up on my while im going my usual fast speed and wanna go faster, be my guest. I wont get mad at someone who is driving too close, cause they are like me, they wanna drive and get there fast.