Easy/Lucky/Free

I hate small talk in the morning (and in general, but mostly in the morning). I get to work and there are a couple people who just love to make small talk with me. And its always very obvious observations that I answer with as little as possible then walk away:

"It's wet outside today." - "yea..."
"Supposed to be nice out today." - "oh..."
"You glad school is over?" - "yes..."

There are times where its clear that im all done with work and some idiot goes "You all done with work?" I just sneer and think "NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT IM JUST STARTING!" but usually I just bit my tongue and say nothing. Today there was a guy at work who had to run some tests on our output and he asked what I do now that its the summer and im out of school:

Nate: "...umm I work."
Guy: "You have another job???"
Nate: "No! THIS is my job! I put in full-time hours HERE!"
Guy: "Oh."
*Nate's head explodes*

Then there are those people who feel the need to watch me work. This is so goddamn annoying I just wanna punch them! I here doing my fucking job and I have some douche bag watching every move I fucking make. I know that im handsome and that I should be used to being gawked at; but to watch me that closely is just uncomfortable.

Down in a Rabbit Hole

Yesterday I craved Chinese food; today I have a lot of leftover Chinese take-out.

I have a king size bed in my room and I haven't slept on it in weeks. Lately iv taken to sleeping on the couch. Im not sure what it is but I like that couch. Its really not anymore comfortable than the bed. This stuff happens to me every now and then; ill wake up in the middle of the night for some reason then just go sleep on my couch and ill sleep there for a couple weeks. The same process work the other way; ill sleep on the couch, wake up in the middle of the night and go in my bed... im a complex creature.
After a long weekend of everyone being home during the day im finally alone and able to sleep uninterrupted. I cant stand it when my parents or anyone else for that matter give me shit for sleeping in the middle of the day. I still work full time, just like them; only my hours are much more spread out. I work early in the morning for a few hours, then again later in the afternoon. So I have nothing else to do during the day. Also, I only sleep a total of 4 hour at night (I go to bed really late most of the time) so when I sleep during the day im just making up for my lack of sleep the night before. I sleep just as much as everyone else if not less; I just don't do it all at night. You wouldn't give a person who works 3ed shift a hard time for sleeping in the middle of the day because they worked at night would you? No, didn't think so...

It's storming out again and I can't find my fucking camera!

Time for lovin'

Some weekend... well at least some Sunday. There was a family gathering I had to go to which wasn't too bad because Lloyd drove and I drank. I went to work kinda drunk after that but it all turned out alright. It seems what when im drunk work (and I) moves much faster and before I knew it I was on my way home and my drunkenness was wearing off. So get my buzz back I went back to the gathering with the beer that I picked up earlier this week. That was dying out so Lloyd and I went to a gathering of friends out of town where I finished off my beer. Unfortunately I was the only one drinking so I came across as very annoying and wouldn't shut the fuck up... but im like that sober too.
Work this morning was no where near as fun as last night. Hung over working sucks. I realized that I hadn't even eaten yesterday and all that was put into my body was alcohol. I was terribly dehydrated and my stomach was sending my weird messages; punishing me for the night before.

So my layout is changed now. I felt that the block look, while fitting to the title, was getting very old. Things have to change sometimes...

Im trying to give fourty blocks a new look; im not quite done yet...


But tell me what you think.

you can call me anything you want to senorita

I went out to a partly last night and was bored out of my mind. Most of the people there who I would want to talk to were too fucked up to pay attention to anything. I was ripped before I even got there but they all still annoyed the shit out of me. So I let myself veg out for a while, had a couple cigarettes I while listening to some stupid stories, and eventually just left. I didn't even say bye to anyone; just up and left.

I need to go to places where I don't know everyone; its time to meet some new people to get fucked up with...

When I got home from work my dad stopped me and asked if I wanted to buy some beer (like he even needed to ask). So for the weekend I now have two cases of beer among some other goodies that I bought from a friend of mine. This weekend better not suck!

Before work this afternoon im going with Lloyd and my neighbor to go see X-Men III. I hope its as good as the previews made it out to be...

It stormed out last night leaving the sky over the marsh to look like this. The beautiful scene over the marsh only lasted for a few minutes then was gone and I nearly missed it. As as I got out of the shower after work I grabbed my camera and Gift, Lloyd and I went out to a spot where I knew I would get a great shot. The lightning was amazing and it filled up the whole sky; but unfortunately its very hard to get pictures of lightning...
This morning my stomach was punishing me for the vodka I consumed late last night before heading out on my walk.
"Yes stomach... I know that its the middle of the week, but I don't care. Vodka has the same affect on a Wednesday that it does on a Saturday night. So stop bitchin'!"

Today I find myself with very little to say; yet I feel then need to post. Im sitting at my computer sipping green tea and watching old movies when I should do doing something a bit more productive with my time. I lack energy for being productive. Late nights and early morning wear me out. But what im doing now I wouldn't consider relaxation... Boredom isn't relaxing. My late night walks relax me and help me to think clearly. Think about what? Im not even sure; people mostly and trying to figure out what I want vs. what I don't want.

There is nothing better than waking up from a 4 hour afternoon nap... Well maybe coke; but the nap is free and doesn't usually give a person a bloody nose.
I woke up to find I had a text message from a friend of mine who still has school for a couple weeks yet. Its always nice to get a message from her seeing is that she is the only one who regularly messages me in the first place. I also woke up to a point in the Matrix Revolution where they lady in the restaurant eats the orgasm cake... It appears that she enjoyed it.

Ever get vivid flashbacks to the point where its like watching a movie (or being in one) of the past? I didn't last night for some reason.
It was really late when I was on my walk and I went down a certain road in town. Then it hit me and I felt like I went back in time. It was a just under a year ago... About 11 months when I was walking around town barefoot with a beautiful young lady who was also wear nothing on her feet (because I stole her sandal)....

it was odd (the flashback, not what we were doing). Im not sure what brought this flash back on. Maybe it was the similar weather condition, maybe something else, but it made me think about my past and I how I want it back. But as we all know, what is in the past stays there and we can only hope to have good time in the present and future

Im afraid that if I don't start taking some risks in my life that its just going to pass me by and ill miss out on everything.

This morning when I got home from work I found out that my dad took the day off. This is not a good thing for me. This means that my whole afternoon is to be spent doing landscaping and lawn work... I was fucking pissed. Today is the one day out of the week that I don't have to work at night, so I didn't put up much of a fuss thinking that I could just relax later in the afternoon... This is false. About 5 minutes ago when I finally finished up working here I noticed that I had a missed call on my phone. At first I was excited "OHHH SOMEONE CALLED ME!!!". My excitement turned to utter annoyance when I found out that I was being called in to work tonight (in about 30 minutes from when I got the call).


... This sucks

A weekend of getting fucked up turned out to be one of the few weekends that I didn't drink or smoke things other than cigarettes. Though the whole weekend wasn't a waste, my Friday night was actually very pleasant. Saturday (other than the early morning hours) on the other hand can kiss my fucking ass! I got very little sleep before work in the morning, which didn't bother me at all, it was really my afternoon and straight into the night hours that pissed me off. First off I was late for work when my thirty minute mid-afternoon nap turned out to be three hours and thirty minutes long to which I was awoke by a call from my boss's wife asking where I was. I hurried my ass to work where I did things very fast so to catch up, and all was good (my boss is a cool guy and doesn't really care when im 30 minutes late). One good thing about yesterday is that I was hooked up with a free case of beer (free because it was 9 months expired). To continue reading about a shitty night (and you do want to continue) please skip to below yet another camera phone picture of your truly...... ahh now wasn't that just pleasant; doesn't a picture of me just make your day something special?
Back to Saturday... Work went alright aside from being late once again (at least this time it wasn't because I was hungover). I got home to see that I had a missed call (odd because who the fuck calls me??). I called the friend back to see what was happening that night:

friend: "Im going to tape two forties to my hands; were on our way to go get some alcohol. Ill give you a call when we get back in town."
Nate: "Sounds good to me." *click*

Nearly two hours went by and no call... So I called back.

Nate: "Dude; what the fuck is going on tonight?"
friend: "Oh, we're going to a party in some other town, a 6 kegger! You wanna come?"
Nate: "Yea sure."
friend: "Well ill give you a call when we are leaving."
Nate: "Cool, later." *click*

I never got another call.

In between the two calls I made I went on a walk to pass time. There I met a friend of mine who was out driving around. We were going to get some stuff to smoke while I waited for my phone to ring. He called his hook up and found that there was nothing to be hooked up with. I just couldn't win at anything last night...

I need to get some new friends, because the friends I have around here aren't really friends at all... Ever time they say they'll call they don't and im left doing nothing. so fuck them...

And now a rant...

I want a new original soda flavor! No more of this "code red" or "with vanilla" shit. Give me something new Goddamnit! Ever time there is a "new flavor" of soda out its really just two old flavors mixed together. Mt Dew and Cherry, Mt Dew and Grape, Mt Dew and Orange, Coke and Cherry, Coke and Vanilla, Coke and Black Cherry, Coke and Vanilla Cherry, Coke with Lime, Pepsi with Lime, Wild Cherry Pepsi... and the list goes on! Its time for a whole new flavor. I mixed different sodas together all the time with I was younger, but I never made any money from it. But Coke and Pepsi brands are making a millions if not billions of dollars by doing what I did when I was 6!!! Its nothing new, its not even fucking original!

I didn't realized how good it would feel to sit around and do nothing and to not have any school work to worry about; and by the way, it feels great. I still have to work of course, but in my line of work there is never any real stress or worry. Mostly today I just slept so that I wont be so fucking tired tonight. I was going to start doing some drawing and putting them up here, but that will have to come some other day...
For the last few days iv been going on late night walks. I absolutely love them. I take a CD player with me and just walk around town all alone; its really relaxing. I some times sing along to the CD so when I pass people on the streets they give me weird looks. Last night I got a call from an old friend of mine from high school and she asked what I was doing. When I told her she didn't really understand why I was walking all alone late at night and listening to music... I guess its just something you have to do to really understand.
My little brother just made my day by passing along a fortunate bit of information. It turns out that all the other adults in the house will be going away from the whole weekend. Meaning... that this weekend im getting totally fucked up... maybe.

One year down...

...Many more to go

I just finished up my freshman year in college and it feels damn good! My last final of the year (philosophy) took me less than 30 minutes to take. Whether or not I did good on it is still up in the air...

My last post said that I was going to use yesterday to study for this final. But in reality I used it to watch music videos and sleep. Even though it was a beautiful day outside the only time I went out was to get the mail (I got nothing of course).

To make this day better (and worse) I got paid. "SWEET!" I thought to myself "MONEY!". It was then that I remember all the shit that I need to pay for:

• New tires and an enlinement - $300 (at least)
• Gas bill - $160
• Pay back Clay for money borrowed - $370
• Cell phone bill - $70
• Alcohol and other drugs - $60 (at least)
• The ability to sit on my ass and veg-out for the next 15 weeks - Priceless

I dont know who I am but I know who iv been...

Lately at work iv been able to feel the knots in my back muscles grow and get tighter and it's not good. So to relax last night I took a stroll around town and listened to some tunes; it worked. During the day now im the only one in the house and it can get very boring. I find myself taking really long naps and watching an abundance of TV shows I have on DVD. Day-in and day-out this is what I do (aside from work). I have started working out again now what I have the time and energy to do so, but I can only do that for so long...
Late last night I got a very unexpected phone call from my old friend Rachel:

Rachel: "Hey Nate, what are you up to right now?"
Nate: "Sitting at my computer and about to go to bed."
Rachel: "Me and Grace are at McDonalds and you should come hang out with us!"
Nate: "You're baked aren't you?"
Rachel: "How can you tell?"
Nate: "Beucase you called me; people only call me when they are either drunk or high..."
Rachel: "Let's go see the Da Vinci Code this weekend!!!"
The majority of my day will be devoted to studying for my bullshit philosophy final. One of the test questions is "How do you know what you think you really know?" This will not be pleasant...

The word "cunt" is written on my car window... Why? im not sure. One of my adoring fans no doubt. I both like and dislike that word... I like it cause its nice and dirty. I dislike it because when I call someone a cunt, I get smacked in the head. On my birthday my mom said it at dinner because Gift said that the British "cant" is pronounced "cunt" so my mom said it like 5 times and she couldn't understand why I was laughing my ass off.

my calc final took half the given time for me to take it, and I figured that I could have gotten a 77% on it and still would have passed with an A... Im going to need that A to off-set the C that im no doubt going to be getting in philosophy.

CUNT!!

(the word 'cunt' is not in the blogger spell check... weird)

So it's "Mother's Day"... Happy Mother's Day to all mothers. EXCEPT all those mother who beat there children, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU FUCKING WHORES! YOU GOD DAMN BITCHS WHO FEEL THAT DROWNING YOUR CHILDREN IN THE BATH TUB AND THAT LEAVING YOUR BABIES IN THE FUCKING DUMPSTER BEHIND WALMART IS THE "COOL THING TO DO". YOU CAN ALL FUCKING BURN ON THIS DAY!! But again, to all mothers out there who DON'T fit this description, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

To make up for being such a bad son (on occasion) I took my family out to a nice brunch today and bought my mom some roses (which I ran out at 8 this morning to buy because I always procrastinate buying gifts).

At the moment I should be studying for my sociology final I have early tomorrow morning; but this is a tough thing to do. My TV is on playing episode after episode of "That 70's Show", my computer is playing music, and im too tired to read though pages of notes... oh well

What a night... I wish I could remember it all in clarity; but alas alcohol has dimmed my fragile young mind. The plans I had with a friend got cancelled so I called up my friend Nikki who was in town for the weekend. She came by for a little while, had a few beers with me, and watch some 'That 70's Show' (being a fan like myself). She didn't stay too long and soon I was left all alone with a bunch of beer and Mikes Hard lemonade. So, seeing is that I had already started drinking, it seemed foolish to stop and go to bed with just a buzz on (when I go, I go all the way!).

My four favorite hobbies include:

1. Drinking (with ladies)
   
2. Blogging
   
3. Masturbation (with or without ladies (there is always a happy ending))
   
4. Getting drunk and calling up people from Canada so I can ramble on about random things then blog about it in the morning while being totally hung over.

Last night's drunk phone call was with the lovely ShaZ!
Now, some of the details of what we talked about are a bit fuzzy to me; and she can recall them much better than I. All I know is that it was the high point of my week.

My psych final took 20 minutes... Then my ex and I went to Walmart were I walked with her through the ladies underwear telling her what thongs she needs to buy; until she told me to shut the fuck up. I get along with her better now than when we dated; but there are no more sexy times... I miss sexy times (with anyone)! Anyways the ladies underwear area is hot...

I like to make fun of my ex for the guy she's dating (the red neck).
Ex: "YOU JUST HIT THAT BIRD!!!"
Nate: "Oh shit! Now your boyfriend is going to have to kill some other pigeon for his dinner tonight!"
Ex: "DICK!"
Nate: "HA!"

I should be studying for my psych final at 3:30; but bloggings are more fun.

Iv been amazed by all the people from my past that I have been coming across in the last couple of weeks. About two weeks ago I was in Walmart buying DVDs; I walk past an aisle, look over, and there I see this girl I went to high school with (she dropped out of school her junior year when she had a kid). She looked at me and said 'hi', all I did was smile and kept walking... I don't know why. Then about a week later I was coming out of a store when someone from very very far into my past walked by. Someone I hadn't seen in person in over 11 years yet was able to recognize. She was a girl who I was in second grade with before I moved away. I would have stopped to say hi but the chances of her remember who I am was slim. Im an easily forgotten person who never seems to forget.

Last night was my most recent run in with an old friend. I hadn't seen this girl in almost a year, and in some ways we were close back in the day. So I decided to talk to her. I was surprised to find out that she had recently spent some time in what she called a "mental health facility". This girl had always been really out there and liked to have a good time, but never really seems happy. All those good times she had were only a temporary fix of happiness, and when it was gone she was worse off than before. She ended up trying to do that stupid thing that some really really depressed/unhappy people do thinking that it was a way out... Fortunately she failed and was checked into the facility. The one word she used to describe it was "intense". But now she tells me that she's made lots of changes in her life and that she's gotten back on track. I just hope she stays on it...

ugh... now it's time to study...

Its my first day with no classes and iv already walked around the house totally naked and slept for like three hours. The next couple weeks are going to be like this because ill be the only one home during the day. Just imagine me, totally naked, walking up and down stairs... (did I just make your day?)
Iv been thinking a lot about what I want to do about certain things in my life. I keep holding on to things thinking that if I hold on just a little while longer things will start to get better. Iv thought this for months now and things don't seem to ever get any better. Now its tough to let go because im stuck in that mind set of "soon things will get better".

Kira finally put up pictures from her time in Chicago; including some with yours truly...

Some times being good at math makes me feel like an asshole. For example: I never do the assignment and when it comes down to studying for the test ill maybe look though the equations for about 45 minute (if that). My buddy Dave on the other hand does all the assignments and studies for days (like many of the other people in our calculus class). We just took our 4th test on Monday and Dave thought he kicked the test's ass, and I thought I fucked it up. When we went to get them back today I got an A and he got a B... The worse part is that I skipped for a whole week while Dave was there taking notes. I felt shitty about it.

My mind just seems made to do that shit...

Im bummed out/pissed off today and I have a very good reasons to be...

Last night I found out that Radiohead is going to be in Chicago for two nights this summer and that all of the tickets are sold out! The only way ill get to go is if I drop down $500 for the two tickets that I need. Fuck that. I saw them three years ago, so ill live.

This morning at work I had to listen to country music. I hate country music; it makes me wanna blow my fucking brains out! To top it off the idiot DJ got a speeding ticket that morning so in between every song he has to say some dumbass comment about that. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUMB RED NECK!!!! I could take it anymore and turned it off as soon as my boss walked away.

Another thing I couldn't fucking stand about the country station I was forced to listen to is the people that call in. They are all inbred hicks who talk with a deep Wisconsin accent that makes my head want to explode. Its 'North' NOT 'nort'; its 'Hi there' NOT 'eh dare' (*BAAMMM* my head explodes). And sure everyone has some sort of accent, I know I do; but not like that. And if I ever do start sounding like that I wanna be shot...

One thing that is making my day is that today is the last day of classes for my first year of college... All I have to do is take my finals and im free for 15 weeks.

I woke up kinda depressed this morning, doesn't happen often, but it's shitty when it does. I remembered that 'That 70's Show' season 4 comes out today and I was happy. Then I realized that buying it will most likely be the high point of my whole week; and once again I was depressed.
My ex called my cell kind of late lastnight:
Ex: "I didn't wake you did I?"
Nate: "No, I don't sleep much."
Ex: "Yea I know... I was just walking by your house and decided to give you a call. So how did your philosophy paper turn out?"
Nate: "Like shit; as to be expected..."
Ex: "Oh well; could you do me a favor?"
Nate: "Ahh, so that's why you really called. Need booze?"
Ex: "No."
Nate: "Sex?"
Ex: "Umm... No..."
Nate: "Im kidding; I wouldn't fuck you; haha... So what the fuck DO you want?"
Ex: "cigarettes."
Nate: "Can't your fucking boyfriend get you those? He's older than I am..."
Ex: "No... Please Nate!!"
Nate: "Fine... Tomorrow after class then."
Ex: "Thanks buddy, you're great!"
Nate: "Whatever..." CLICK!

Gift says it means "Nate is fucking cool" in Thai; but who knows...

My stomach is making weird noises.

So I did get my paper done and now I can finally relax. Not that I wasn't before but even more so now!

I didn't shave yet today, and I don't think im going to

I went to bed late lastnight for various reasons. On a totally unrelated note: I hate the nights when I go to bed and when I wake up the next morning I feel as if I was asleep for only 5 minutes.

Iv been bored... a part of me isn't looking forward to the summer. Spring break was too much time for me to have nothing to do and no one to be with; its depressing really... Its weird really; as antisocial as I am and as much as some people annoy me I need human contact. Friends of mine who go to real college will be coming home soon, so at least ill have people to drink with.

One time, after watching Seinfeld, dreamt I was in Amsterdam having sex with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. But not the Seinfeld Julia, the Arrested Development Julia... It was fucked up.
Only three more days of classes plus a few finals and ill be finished with my first year of college. About fuckin' time! Just 3-4 more years to go...

...I need a vacation

Iv been trying to work on my philosophy paper on Thomas Hobbes; but I can't seem to focus. I turned off the TV, turned off the music, quit talking on MSN, and still... nothing.
There is still beer in the trunk of my car from this weekend...

Iv been writing:

We all want to be what we see, what we love
In our mind we cant find our way to the end
I once said 'love' and you laughed in my face
You turned away from me as your eyes started to rain
You said "look what you've done, made me weak, I was strong
Now I hate, hate for you
I let you in, let you see, now just look what you've done to me"
What can I do?
What could I say?
Iv done it all, all for you just to prove some change
How I was
Now you bring me back just to push me away

Is it me or does it look like I have a lazy eye in this picture? Then again I was drinking so maybe its just that...

My all-nighter was a little less than all night... I got home just before 4 in the morning and passed out for about 45 minutes before having to go to work. Oh and I found something out about alcohol and caffeine pills; they can cause a major fucking head ache!!! See, I knew I had to drive home so I drank when I first got there so I could be sober enough to drive home... and I was. But to make sure I didn't pass out on the hour drive home (at 3 in the morning) I took a caffeine pills. After about 10 minutes into my drive my head was starting to split apart. Not cool...

...Regardless I had a great time; saw some old friends, met some new people, and drank some beer.

I spilled beer on my shoe...

I urinated on the side of a building...

my clothes smell like smoke...

I got a hair cut...

Im not sure why iv been writing like this...

I tried to get to bed early last night but due to 'in a coma' I had to stay up and watch music videos. So now pulling an all-nighter tonight is going to be tough; im already tired and its just past noon. To top it off, my dad has been drinking all my beer! "If it's in the refrigerator it's fair game!" ... fuck that.

Im doing internet things instead of writing my philosophy paper...

My left shoe squeaks when I walk...

Im listening to disk one of In a Coma...

Im stomping my foot and nodding my head along with the music...

I don't want to work tonight...

I don't under stand why there needs to be a Num Lock key...

I drank a soda while taking a shower...

Im bored/boring...

So I ordered In a Coma a little over a week ago and IT FINALLY CAME!! TODAY KICKED ASS!!!
I got a bit of a hard-on when I found out it came! (not really, that would just be a little too weird; but I was excited.)
I may not be smiling here, but inside im all-a-flutter!

Im feeling a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time.
Or maybe iv been feeling it all along and didn't notice.
Have I left myself that blind to my own feelings?
How could I let it go for so long?

So I went out to get the new Pearl Jam album until something caught my eye. It was a Bright Eye's album that I didn't have (one of the many out there). So right away I picked it up and yelled "HOLY FUCK! NO WAY!!!" Then I was wet myself a little and was kicked out of the store, but not before I paid for the CD. I didn't end up getting Pearl Jam...

(some of that was made up for dramatic affect)

I had a spontaneous mini class reunion last night. Just as I was about to sit down and eat my dinner I got a call from my friend Melissa, who I haven't seen in quite some time. "Come to BD with us." ... "Whose us?" ... "Me and Rachel" ... "Yea sure." I never asked why or what for; I was just bored. We smoked a little on the way there and we met up with a friend of ours, Tim, who recently got back from army shit in Texas. He was doing the whole Huck Finn and fishing down by the dam and broke out a bottle of some apple wine type stuff that we drank down relatively fast... It was a decent night out. Mostly we just asked each other "So what have you been up to?" I had very little to say on this subject

Mel: "So Nate, how's life?"
Nate: "Not bad, not good. Im bored a lot."
Mel: "Loser."
Nate: "Haha, not to much has changed huh?"
Rach: "Lets listen to 80's music."

I thought that tomorrow was my mom's birthday; I was wrong. It's actually today so I should probably stop on the way home from class today and buy her some flowers and a card.

My stomach just made a weird noise.

I was talking to my friend/exgirlfriend after class yesterday and she told me that her current boyfriends thinks that her and I are having 'an affair'. I found it quite funny. I haven't so much as given her a kiss on the cheek, let alone have an affair. And to be totally honest I wouldn't want to do anything with her after she's been with her KKK-nazi-white-power boyfriend; the thought of it makes me want to vomit (its nothing personal against her).

My psych paper is just about finished after two months of procrastinating. Then I have to start another one... fuck!

Right now where is some shitty band playing out in the school's court yard. I think it's some local band whose musicians go to my school. Id much rather sit in here (the computer lab) and listen to a real music like Matt Good or Pearl Jam. Speaking of which, I need to get their new album...