I think I know my problem. Or at least one of them. I day dream too much. My mind gets fucked up in thought and doesn't know what is real and what isn't. I imagine a different life, one not so shitty, and while I am things are good. But once my mind comes back into reality im disappointed cause im still where I am.

maybe I could drink those thoughts day dreams away.
im thinking ill go give blood today. Its only a block away and I have nothing else to do. I could go drunk and see if they notice, I would probably pass out. That would be fun.